By Jill Campbell, Psy.D.
There are many different
reasons why parents’ feel the need to potty train their children. Some parents feel pressure from their peers
or family members, some fear that they are not doing a good job as a parent if
they wait too long to potty train, others are pressured from their child’s
daycare or preschool. In addition, many
parents are just tired of having to change diapers and eager to get on to this
next stage in their child’s development.
For your child to be
successfully toilet trained, however, he or she must be physically, cognitively
and emotionally mature enough to understand and to control what is happening in
the toilet teaching process. If you
begin to toilet training before your child is ready, chances are it will lead
to a lot of frustration. A child who is toilet
trained much before the age of 2, usually has a parent who knows when to put
the child down on the potty, and wait for the child to go.
Mark Wolraich, the author of the
"American Academy of Pediatrics'
Guide to Toilet Training," says that children typically begin to toilet-train between the ages of 18
months and 4 years. Some learn quickly and others take months. Many learn, and
then regress. Accidents are common. Most children are daytime independent by
age 4, but about 20% of 5-year-olds will
still have some daytime accidents. Nighttime accidents can continue for much
longer. Wolraich says that the push for
early training is more a reflection of parents' need for accomplishment than of
any understanding of child physiology. "It's almost like a super-mom/dad
issue," he said. "There's not been any evidence that children who get
trained earlier are any smarter or more accomplished later in life.”
The AAP states that most child
development experts believe that toilet training works best if it can be
delayed until the child is ready to control much of the process herself. Please
remember that your child’s readiness for toilet training is not an sign of his
or her intelligence, or your level of parenting ability! When your child is
truly ready, physically, cognitively and emotionally, toilet training will
happen much more easily. It is important
to go by your child’s cues for readiness.
The right time to begin this process will vary from child to child.
Signs of Readiness:
The more readiness signs
that your child is demonstrating, the quicker and easier the toilet training
process should be. Look over the list
below to help determine where your child is at in the readiness department.
Physical Signs:
Your child must have
voluntary control of his or her sphincter muscles. This means being able to open and close very
specific internal muscles. This gives
your child the ability to delay excretion for a brief period of time. The AAP
states that children’s sphincter muscles reach full maturity somewhere between
12-24 months with the average age being 18 months. While this is usually
possible by about 18 months, this voluntary control only truly begins when a
child can distinguish the sensations that precede a bowel movement or
urination. Due to this fact, most children
will not be reliable until after the age of 2.
Your child is no longer
excited about walking and being on his feet all the time. He is at the maturity level where he is ready
to sit down and learn a new task. Most children are at least 18 months, often
older, before this happens.
Your child is more aware
of his body and of the “need to go” (urinate or have a bowel movement) and
shows it by facial expression, body gestures, telling you, and possibly going
off somewhere (a corner of the room, behind furniture) when he/she feels the
need to eliminate.
- Your child is able to
stay dry for at least two hours at a time during the day.
- Your child often wakes up
dry after a nap.
- Your child urinates a lot
at one time vs. a little throughout the day.
- Your child usually does
not have a bowel movement through the night.
- Your child starts to
urinate and move her bowels at more predictable times.
- Your child does not like
to be in dirty diapers and wants to be changed.
Cognitive and Verbal Signs:
Another sign that your
child may be ready to be toilet trained is that he or she has good receptive
language skills. That means your child
has the ability to understand what you are asking of him or her.
Your child can follow
simple instructions. For example, “Go to
your closet and bring me back your red shirt.”
Your child can say the
words “yes” and “no.” She needs to have
the ability to make her own decision about whether or not she is ready to use
the potty.
Your child can express
and understand one-word statements, including such words as “wet,” “dry,”
“potty,” “pee,” “poop,” and “go.” Your
child may even begin to tell you, “I peed.” Or “I pooped.”
Your child starts putting
things where they belong. He may begin
to pick up his toys. He may put his
blocks in the box where they belong. He
may start arranging and organizing things like his toys or his books.
Emotional and Social Awareness Signs:
Your child wants to
please and imitate you. This natural
ability to observe others and the desire to imitate them will help with the
toilet teaching process.
- Your child expresses
interest in using the potty or toilet.
- Your child wants to wear
“big-kid” underwear.
- Your child has a desire
to master one’s own body and environment.
“I want to do it.”
Motor Skill Signs:
- Your child can walk to
and from the bathroom and help undress.
- Your child is able to
pull underpants and pants up and down.
*For our youngest participants: With song sharing
to accompany your day-to-day play, we'll equip
you with music for every moment. Together with your family we’ll provide the know-how to make your own great green toys, and
suggest sweet, soothing ways to bond over books, blankets, baby sign language
and massage. Last but not least, little hearts begin to learn how they can
change the world by giving back.
