It’s a common myth that having a baby will bring a couple closer together. What can you do when you find this to be alarmingly not the case?
Well, we've turned to Julie Wright to help address this problem. Julie is an MFT, Psychotherapist and leader of The Wright Mommy & Me Groups here at The Pump Station & Nurtury™. As a guest blogger this week – Julie shares some highlights from her class:
by Julie Wright, MFT
In my Mommy & Me classes I explore with my moms – what we call the “Myths of Motherhood”. Inevitably, the topic veers to and settles on these moms' concerns regarding “connectedness” in their marriages. It shocks me to see how this is such a common issue among so many mothers. Here are some important things to be aware of as you find yourself to be one of these moms who is feeling such a strain on her relationship:
- You are not alone! Many couples have these same problems. Relationships are hard – communication is critical!
- You are tired, you are exhausted and you feel burnt out. Another “little person” is not a “little” workload – caring for a child is a tremendous drain on you, your spouse and your relationship. As exhausted as you both are – you must work that much harder.
- As new parents, the division of labor has become more noticeable – i.e. money maker vs. home maker. Time management issues become that much harder to handle. Often the mother struggles to release control of baby care and baby care styles differ. As parents you feel less confident in your ability to know what to do at any given moment.
- The baby arrives, your relationship has lost its “luster” – you sense a “state of emergency” This heightened state of discomfort gives you both the opportunity to finally do the work necessary to move toward the intimacy we all crave.
- Don’t panic! You have enough pressure in your life as it is.
- Being aware of these issues and being willing to talk openly about them is an enormous first step. Knowing you are not alone can open the door to choosing a new way of being with your spouse/partner.
- Talk to your spouse/partner! Communicate, talk, share, discuss, empathize, listen and learn more about each other's needs and desires.
- Make time for each other! You’re probably spending a great deal of time tracking when your baby eats, poops and sleeps – do your best to fit your partner/spouse into that schedule.
- Take out that iPhone and schedule Date Night's with your partner! Yes, you may feel guilty about taking time away from your baby – but you must realize: it is critical – you need to give your relationship every possible chance of survival – this is the most essential gift you can give to your child!